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Decrease Shame with These 3 Tips

decrease shame

You want to decrease shame in your life. And why wouldn’t you? If there’s anything that dampens one’s ability to create new businesses, products, courses, or materials…

It’s shame. 

It seems that many of us find ourselves minimizing our lives, quieting our voices, or hiding our talents. Why? We worry about what other people will think, say, or believe about us. 

And all that worry leads to shame.

So how can we decrease shame?

Here are a few tips and tricks that have been known to help you free up your time and energy for bigger, better things:

  • Deep breathing

The simple act of taking long, slow breaths can decrease negative emotions by calming your parasympathetic nervous system. You’re essentially stopping stress in its tracks. This gives you a chance to clear your head, shake off your doubts, and hold your chin up high.

  • Healthy movement

The longer you trap your body in stillness, the more stress and tension will build up  inside. If you’ve been sedentary for quite some time, you might not even realize the impact it’s having on you. By getting up and getting going, you can create actual movement and flow within your physical body. Sometimes you can break up an internal block by engaging in physical activity.

  • Quiet meditation

Stilling your mind, quieting your soul, and connecting with yourself in a deeper way is bound to lead to good things. Many of us avoid that sort of connection with ourselves, however. If you actually lean in to who you are, you’ll find there’s a lot to be proud of. And since shame tends to be fairly deep rooted, you’re going to have to dig deep to start rooting it out.

(You can get more tips here if you really want to dig into this!)

The difficulty, however, is that pursuing things that are good for us can create even MORE shame. We fall into the trap of believing that we don’t deserve the time and energy it would take to slow down, breathe, move, or meditate.

Jennifer Knapp, of Shameless Solutions Inc., shares that when she first started trying to incorporate more forms of pleasure and self-care into her life, she struggled. It was only when she realized that she had internalized the belief that she had to “earn” pleasure that things started to change. Finally, she realized that what she needed “were shameless solutions, resources that would remind me that I deserve to experience the  exquisite, tingles-licking-up-my-spine moments that I craved as often as possible. “

If you’re looking to decrease shame in your life, you’ll want to practice some tried and true strategies. But in order to do so – you have to realize that you deserve a bigger, fuller life.

Significant or Meaningful – Defining Achievements

Would you classify your most important achievements in life as being significant, or meaningful?

Dov Baron, significant or meaningful achievements

Honestly, this isn’t a distinction that had ever crossed my mind prior to previewing Dov Baron’s newest course, All At Once. In one of the modules I experienced, however, Dov asks participants to create a list of significant achievements. This is a starting point – that particular module guides you through the process of defining the purpose of your achievements, which is either significant or meaningful.

As a bit of an “achiever” myself, I was happy to oblige. I cranked out a set of accolades I felt pretty proud of, mostly related to my education and work experiences. As a model student and stellar employee, I felt good about my list of significant achievements!

Next up in the course: considering how much time and energy went into the pursuit of those fetes. Then contrast that against the level of impact the have on my current, day-to-day life.

Hmmm..

The reality is, a LOT of time and effort when I was directly pursuing them. However, there is very little current relevance now that they’ve been “achieved”. I have a set of plaques and certificates buried in a box somewhere, I suppose. They’ve mostly just replaced all the childhood trophies and ribbons I ended up discarding as an adult.

Dov was getting at this point: many of our “significant” achievements are meant to gain status, approval from others, or some sort of validation.

They aren’t necessarily things that are aligned with our greatest desires, and they rarely hold long term value that deeply change our lives. What DOES create daily impact?

Meaningful achievements.

As you may guess, this second type of success may not have come with much attention. You’ll likely never even find a place for it on a resume. In terms of emotional impact and life importance, however, they can’t be beat!

Meaningful achievements rank much higher than those things we pursued for their significance.

It’s probably not a groundbreaking discovery that the things most meaningful to you may not be the things others look to when declaring whether you’ve “made it” or truly succeeded. However, the All At Once course led me there in such an organic, authentic matter that the principal truly lodged itself in my brain. 

Now I find myself considering new opportunities or pursuits NOT through a lens of how they will look on my resume. Instead. I’m looking now from the perspective of someone who wants to use their finite amount of time, energy, and resources to pursue things that will be meaningful to me, both today and in the future.

When held side-by-side, there doesn’t seem to be much of a question as to whether I’d prefer my primary achievements to be significant or meaningful.

Dov’s latest course, All At Once, is launching in September! You can find more of his books and products online.

 

Be the Leader in Your Life

It might just be me, but “economist” and “emotional intelligence coach” don’t seem very connected. 

Perhaps if I was meeting an old married couple, a classical case of opposites attracting, I wouldn’t think much of it. But Anne Beaulieu is not a couple. She’s a single entity, and on top of those two titles, she’s also a multilingual speaker, bestselling author, translator, and CFA (the professional designation used to refer to a chartered financial analyst). Anne not only teaches you how to be a leader in your life – she exemplifies being one in her own.

Anne Beaulieu - Be a Leader in Your Own Life

All of these juxtapositions were so intriguing, I felt I had to learn more.

With a bit of digging, I found that Anne grew up in a rural area. She read the French Larousse dictionary to pass the time, and eventually went on to live in China. She obtained an M.A. in Economics, graduated from the Authentic Speaker Academy, and more.

Due to her high caliber resume and exceptional skills, it wouldn’t seem out of place for Anne to be hidden away in a mansion, out of reach (and out of touch) with the rest of us. Instead, she’s incredibly accessible. She speaks, writes, and teaches. In fact, her recently announced financial course, “Set Yourself Free”, provides an opportunity to get on a weekly coaching call with Anne herself! 

What does she attribute her work in emotional coaching to?

Well, her breakthrough started with a small question, posed by Dov Baron at a leadership retreat:

 

“Who are you hurting by playing small?”

 

She realized that she had to be done doing small things and protecting herself from the pain in her past. In honor of everyone in the world who needed her to show up BIG, she had to stop playing small. So she did. Anne asked Dov Baron to mentor her. She broke down the walls she’d put up to keep old pain at bay and faced her fears. Then she turned around and helped hundreds of others do the same. After learning to take leadership in her own life, she realized that we all have the capacity to be leaders on our own lives.

Anne’s transformation was about far more than herself; it was about impacting the world.

Today, Anne uses self-awareness and relationship management coaching, along with motivational speaking engagements and self-empowerment workshops, to spread her message of emotional equality across the globe. She works with everyone: business professionals, students who need to be mentored, parents trying to do their best in a modern society that comes with as many challenges as it does advantages.

Although she has dozens of workshops and speaking topics that she regularly uses, her message boils down to this:

Be the Leader of Your Own Life.

With Anne’s tools (and example) as an inspiration, I’m seeking to do exactly that.